Wedding Trends That Take The Cake

How to tell the difference between cold feet and more serious problems

Almost everyone gets nervous before their wedding…thus the terms pre-wedding jitters or cold feet. And, most often, these feelings are nothing to worry about, but they are real. What you need to determine is whether or not your feelings are just apprehension about the major life changes that you’re getting ready to make or a red flag warning you that there’s something more serious going on…and you might want to call off the wedding.

Strategies for overcoming cold feet

You’re nervous, but you’re still excited: You’re probably just suffering from pre-wedding jitters and have nothing to worry about. Go ahead and get married.

You’re feeling stressed out about the wedding planning.

• Try to determine if sweating the small details of your wedding is causing you to feel nervous. If you think this may be the problem, ease off on the plans for a bit…or scale them down altogether. This may go a long way to alleviate your nerves.
• Designate one night per week that you and your significant other DON’T talk about wedding details. Spend this time together as a couple…go on a date or just spend time like you did before you began planning your wedding.
• Take a mini vacation or a long weekend. If you can’t afford a full-fledged getaway, just spend time pampering one another.

You’re worried about what it’s going to be like as a married couple.

• Write down what’s making you nervous and talk with your future spouse about your concerns. You may find that you’ll form a tighter bond with one another. Maybe your soon-to-be spouse is having some of the same worries.
• Talk to happily married couples to find out their secrets for success. Friends or family members who have spent a lot of years together and still love one another will have lots of advice for you. They’ll also be able to alleviate a lot of your concerns about what married life is like.
• Consider talking to a couple’s therapist or priest before your wedding to help hash out any of your concerns. Pre-wedding counseling will bring you closer together and allow you to air your concerns in a safe environment.

If, on the other hand, any of these situations are true, you may have cause for concern, and you may want to call off the wedding:

• You’ve discovered that your future spouse has a drug or alcohol problem and is not in recovery or refuses to go for help.
• Your future spouse is violent towards you. If he has been prior to the wedding, it’s a certainty that the abuse will continue after the wedding.
• Your future spouse has been unfaithful…or you’ve been unfaithful. Chances are, if you or your future husband has cheated before the wedding, not much will change afterwards.
• You are dreading your wedding day…and you have been for more than a month. Dread is different than nerves. If you are feeling depressed in any way about your wedding, you should talk to a therapist or counselor about your concerns.
• You don’t agree on whether or not to have children. This is not a conversation to have AFTER the wedding. Don’t go into the marriage thinking that you’ll be able to change your spouse’s mind.
• Your family and friends don’t like your future spouse. If the majority of your family and friends don’t like your fiancé, you should find out why. Maybe they see something that you don’t.
• You want to call off the wedding, but you’re worried about hurting your fiancé. If you’re having grave concerns about getting married, it’s best to postpone the wedding. It’s much less painful to cancel the wedding before it happens than to get a divorce later. Heed these concerns, and find someone to talk to about them.

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Lisa Bakewell

In Part 1 of Wedding Planning: Tips to Tone Down Tension, we discussed tips on relieving the strife between you and your soon-to-be husband…while planning for your wedding.  Here are some more tips to help keep the tension level at a minimum:

He doesn’t care about your religion or family traditions. Consider this: Maybe he doesn’t even know what’s expected of him. Maybe he doesn’t think you care whether or not he participates in your traditions or religion. If you handle this situation calmly, and with sensitivity (giving him the benefit of the doubt), you may find that your conversation will bring you closer together, giving you both the opportunity to discuss which of your families’ traditions and religious practices you’d like to include in your life together.

You can’t agree on the wedding location. You want to get married in your hometown, but he wants to get married where you reside together. Consider this another opportunity to form a closer bond, and ask him, “Why do you want to get married at home?” You may find that having his friends at his wedding is more important to him than having his family there. If this is the case, maybe you can compromise. Maybe have a small wedding and dinner party in your hometown and reserve the big celebration where you live…with friends.

Wedding planning is causing strife. Sure you want your wedding day to be perfect, but is your wedding planning becoming more important than your relationship? Make sure that you’re not letting “Bridezilla” behavior come between you and your mate. Sure, you want a terrific wedding day, but it would be a shame to be standing at the altar by yourself. Keep your future in mind, and don’t let your man lose sight of  why he fell in love with you in the first place.

He’s worried about divorce…before the wedding! Prenuptial agreements have taken a bad rap, because they involve the issues of trust and commitment. Sure, it’s easy to take offense when your man is so intent on having one (it makes you think that HE thinks the marriage isn’t going to last), but consider this…this may another area where you and your man can bond on deeper level. Spend some quality time, with him, discussing your essential financial issues. Get to know how each of you feels about money, trusts, debts, etc. Make it a learning experience instead of a fight.

He wants his old girlfriend to attend the wedding and reception. OK. This one can be tough to take, but consider this…he chose you over her, so you’ve already won the battle. Your best course of action may be to take the high road and get to know her. This will show him that you’re comfortable in your relationship with him and that you’re not worried his old flame will steal him away from you.

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Lisa Bakewell

You’re engaged (Yay!), and you were looking forward to planning your wedding. What you hadn’t planned on, though, was the arguing that you and your husband-to-be would be been having over EVERYTHING!

Ah, engaged life. This period can be a minefield…where even the minute topics can trigger huge blow-ups!

Use these tips to ease some of the pressure:

The guest list keeps growing. His family’s guest list is growing well beyond what you both agreed on, and it’s putting a bulge in your budget. To resolve this issue, keep it about the money. Tell him that you don’t mind adding more guests to his family’s portion of the guest list (because you certainly don’t want to cut anyone out), but ask him if he’d mind asking his parents to chip in for the added cost. If your guest list continues to grow, too, you should ask your parents the same question.

He doesn’t care about the details. Most men are clueless when it comes to design and décor…and they really DON’T care what the table cloths look like or what flowers you choose. This doesn’t mean that you should give up on including your spouse-to-be, though.

Give him choices. If he’s not interested in the linens, maybe he’s interested in the menu. If he could care less about the invitations, maybe he’d like to offer input on the music or photographer.

Let your man know that it’s his day…as well as yours. Just let him choose where he’d like to be involved.

Now he cares too much! Well, you wanted him to be involved in the details, and now he is. What you didn’t expect, though, is that his involvement would drive you crazy!

In order to stay sane, prioritize the details. If a detail is minute, and he feels strongly about it, let him have the “win.”

Remember, it’s good practice to learn early on how to prioritize, negotiate…AND compromise. These are all life skills that will come in handy after your wedding day.

You can’t agree on where to spend the big bucks. You want to spend it on your dress. He wants to spend it on a fantastic honeymoon. How do you decide?

Sit down with him, like two adults, and work out the finances of your wedding together…before you go dress shopping. After all, your dress is for you, the honeymoon is for both of you.

If he doesn’t care, though, then go for it! But have this discussion before you fall in love with the dress that costs as much as a trip to Europe.

His best man irks you. Sure, the guy’s been his friend since college, but you can’t stand him! Well, this time it’s important to be supportive, but also sensible.

If your groom’s best buddy is only about the party, respect their bond, but make sure you have some reliable and supportive guys around to help keep things under control. Arrange for your brother or another male friend to help your man resist the ploys of his best man. You might also share your anxiety with your guy, so that you can handle the situation together, if trouble does rear its ugly head.

Come back next week for Part 2 of Wedding Planning: Tips to Tone Down Tension.

With so many Affordable Wedding Invitations available at Best Little Wedding Shop, you and your man are bound to agree on one of them.

Lisa Bakewell

Every bride wants to look her best on her wedding day. And you’re no exception. You want to look glamorous, fresh and sophisticated, but you also want to look natural.

Use these tips to help you look “picture perfect” for your big day!

If you hire a makeup artist:

6-12 Months before the Wedding…

Find an Artist. Finding a makeup artist shouldn’t be a daunting task, but you’ll want to plan ahead. Book a few consultation appointments with experts in your area, but be sure to allow yourself 6-12 months to find the best one for you. Most good artists are booked well in advance. You’ll want to look for:

• A qualified, experienced artist

• An artist who’s also friendly and a great listener

• An artist who’s flexible and won’t overbook your wedding date

• An artist who has a an extensive portfolio

• An artist who will give you referrals

What to ask your potential makeup artists:

• What do you charge?

• Will you come to my home?

• Do you charge a traveling fee?

• Do you have discounts available for group bookings?

• Do you charge more for holidays or Sundays?

• Where did you study?

• How long have you been doing makeup for weddings?

• What experience do you have?

• What makeup products do you use?

• Do you have any other makeup commitments on my wedding day?

• Also, get their advice on nail technicians and hair stylists.

0-6 Months before the Wedding…

Plan a pre-show. About 1-2 months before the wedding have your makeup artist do a trial run. Have your bridesmaids with you to get their input. Plan the trial for the time of day that your wedding will be held. If you’re getting married in the daytime, do your trial then; if it’s in the evening, do it then. You might also consider bringing photos from magazines for makeup styles that appeal to you. Also, bring fabric swatches so that the makeup artist can create the perfect color palette to compliment the dresses and flower bouquets.

Tip: Have one of your bridesmaids snap a photo at the makeup trial, so that you can see how the makeup is going to show when photographed.

If you do your makeup yourself:

Make it waterproof. Choose mascara that’s waterproof, since it will last longer and withstand tears.

Lighten your liner. Charcoal, navy, and mahogany are good color options for eyeliner, since black or brown may look too severe.

Highlight your eyes. Use a white shadow on your brow bone if you have light skin, or a warmer light peach or vanilla shade, if you have a deeper complexion.

Contour. To give your eyes shape, use a contour color under your brow bone. Make sure it’s not too intense, though, so that it detracts from the natural beauty of your eyes.

Define. Shade and shape your eyebrows with a pencil or eye shadow that matches your hair color. Make sure not to overdo it!

Get cheeky! Color on your cheeks provides an instant facelift. If you have fair skin, use a pink tone. Women with deeper skin tones can use a rosier hue.

Even out your skin tone. Use bronzer on your neck and chest, if they’re whiter than your face.

Give your lips pizzazz! Choose a lip color that’s a bit brighter than you’d normally wear. Pale colors can make you appear washed out in photos. Bring the lipstick with you for touch-ups after the wedding.

Either way, do these things to look your best on your wedding day:

Prepare. A skin and nail care plan should be started about 6 weeks before the wedding. Talk to your beautician about having regular facials and manicures.

Pluck. Shaping and maintaining your eyebrows should be started well in advance of the big day. Make sure that your final pluck is done about a week before the wedding.

Promote. You’ll want to put your best face forward, so get regular facials done up until about a month before the wedding.

Spray Tan. You don’t want to get too much sun before your wedding day. Sunburns and peeling skin are not attractive. Consider getting a spray tan instead, but be careful not to overdo it.

Whiten. There are lots of safe, reliable over-the-counter teeth-whitening systems, which all whiten teeth by a few shades. Make sure to allow yourself about a week or two before the wedding to do this.

Eat. Remember to keep your diet healthy, and don’t starve yourself. Also, you may want to consider taking vitamins.

Drink. You’ll want to stay hydrated, so drink plenty of water. Eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day is recommended.

Sleep. You’ll want to be well rested on your wedding day, so make sure to get plenty of sleep. Shoot for eight hours per night.

Exercise and relax. Planning for your big day can be stressful, so you’ll want to get plenty of exercise and take some time for yourself. You might want to consider the occasional massage leading up to the big day.

Brighten your eyes. Use eye drops to get the redness out of your eyes. Make sure to use a brand that you’ve used before. You don’t want any unwelcome surprises!

Keep your hands away from your face. If you have a blemish or, worse yet, a breakout just before your wedding day, don’t mess with the pimples. The spot/spots will heal better if you leave it/them alone. See your dermatologist and ask for a cortisone injection if a monstrous pimple invades your face just prior to the wedding.

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Lisa Bakewell